everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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