The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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