I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
