I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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