She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
