Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
