Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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