Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize