3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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