I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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