Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
