How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
