remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
