I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
