We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
