Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
