haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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