his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
