i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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