god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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