whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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