went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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