Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize