Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
vagina is talking i cant
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
