I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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