I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he shaved USA in his pubs
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
