Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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