You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
