wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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