I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
