I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
