Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize