she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
