i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
