How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
