I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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