I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
