apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
