so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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