Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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