hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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