Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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