It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
