I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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