..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
