Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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