Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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