Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
