I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
