When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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