clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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