Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
