I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
