party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize