I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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