you mean i was at the winter classic?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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