he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
