If that was your dad, he is hot
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
