Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
