we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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