wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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