i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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