Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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