my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
