The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
