when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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